I must admit I have been really struggling lately and I can’t even explain why. I usually struggle with big lengthy heartfelt posts, but this one seems to be flowing out so I am just gunna roll with it..
Everyday I wake up to a kind of groundhog day situation. I wake up, get ready, go to work, come home, have dinner, go to bed. This could honestly repeat itself on a loop for at least 50 days before I then throw in a little Nando’s or something to break the chain. Maybe this just comes with a 9-5 job I always tell myself, but I hate it and it just seems that this is what my life has become – a routine. I know I need to do more, but I don’t really have too many friends and I’m trying to save to move out, so I just continue plodding along. I know that I desperately need to break this cycle and do more but it is much harder than it sounds. I think it can become very easy to get into the habit of saying no, that you eventually never want to say yes anyway and then it becomes a vicious circle.
I feel like I have lost myself ever so slightly and this makes me sad. My style, my oomph, just everything really. I think sometimes it is so easy to just try and fit in that you lose who you are. I have always worn what I wanted and styled myself how I wanted but recently I seem to have lost that flare. The shoes or jumper that I would have picked up without a second glance, I now put back down as they are too quirky. I started to think that maybe I was growing up, but actually I think I am just getting boring and this needs to change…quirky Emmy needs to make a return immediately.
This feeling has a knock on effect with everything. I even wanted to give up this blog at one point, but I know that this would only make me feel worse. This is my little creative, fun place. The place I come to feel better and share my stupid Funko addiction or my favourite lipstick of the moment. I am so proud of myself that I have managed to keep it going for 5 years and really appreciate the love it has received over that whole time. I know that I am not ready to give up this blog at all, I just need to get my life motivation back. Even typing this is making me feel slightly better, I’m finding it quite therapeutic actually.
I think I just need to give myself a good old shake. I don’t want this to come across like a woe is me type of thing, I know there are much worse things going on, it is just how I am feeling and was hoping getting it all out in a post may help me out. ♥